My Beef with “Bridezilla”

Here’s the truth: I never wanted to get married.

Something about the word “wife” makes my skin crawl. Something about wedding cake turns normal, sane independent women into teary-eyed clingy monster girls with no sense of self-identity or sexual drive.

Something about wedding porn made me seriously quiver whenever I tried to calmly browse through the stacks of wedding magazines at the salon or the place where I got my nails did once.

Plus, it’s so feminine, gawdy and expensive.

But you meet the right person, and …

 

Here’s the truth:

My wedding is one year and one day away.

I have been engaged for 364 days already.

I am ready — finally, maybe — to get this shit moving.

 

Here’s the truth:

I never thought I would be a bridezilla. I’m much to realistic for that.

But I’m already starting to feel like one.

 

When you’re planning a wedding, part of you knows you aren’t planning this for you. You’re planning it for your family and friends, so they can experience for a couple of hours your love — and nurture it. But things start to happen to your brain, and everybody wants something or envisions something, and the venues just want to squeeze the maximum dollar value out of you possible. And honestly, I’m embarrassed by it all, by the pressure and attention and the value I’m finding I really do place on this silly party.

I am reminded of when I was young, and I hated when the waiters would circle around our dinner table on the night of my birthday and sing their variation of “Happy Birthday,” and usually I would cry because I hated the attention and the whole restaurant staring at me and I also wanted it so badly and was embarrassed for wanting it …

 

But it can make you feel sort of isolated.

 

I know I am not doing this alone — I have a fabulous, patient fiance; a generous, wonderful mother; a brilliant, amazing sister/wedding coordinator; and the best Maid of Honor in the world.

But I can’t help cringing inside when I allow myself to be excited or overdramatic or neurotic like I am, or let my guard down — my facade of “I don’t care.”

And I hate the term “Bridezilla.” It just adds to that embarrassing isolation, doesn’t it?

 

(Even though it may occasionally be totally apt.)

Sometimes When We Touch …

This is how it is:

Sometimes you love a person.

Sometimes you do puzzles together.

Sometimes you do puzzles with friends.

Sometimes you feel old.

Sometimes you take naps.

Sometimes you spend a lot of time in the kitchen.

Sometimes you purchase $30-worth of produce from a local grocery shop.

Sometimes that means you eat kale, turnips, collards, Carolina sweet onions, green onions, rainbow chard, beets, cabbage and radishes.

Sometimes you look up creative recipes for these vegetables you have no idea how to cook.

Sometimes they turn out great.

Sometimes they don’t.

Sometimes you buy a whole coconut and try to open it on a Sunday morning, and that turns out to be a disaster.

Sometimes you spend so much time playing racquetball and swimming and walking to the library and stopping for coffee and wishing it was warmer and talking about going backpacking that you forget how many weeks have gone by since you checked out that backpacking book from the library.

Sometimes you take naps.

Sometimes you do things together, but not really together.

Sometimes you have company over.

Sometimes you go snow tubing on Moonshine Mountain in North Carolina.

Sometimes you get drunk.

Sometimes you spend too much money.

Sometimes you buy awesome boots.

Sometimes you are so happy.

Sometimes you worry about dying — or worse, him dying and you having to live through that and meet someone new and start over and detangle the mess of a life he leaves behind.

Sometimes you think about praying that that won’t happen.

Sometimes you think about your wedding, and you start planning silly things even though it’s still more than a year away.

Sometimes you wear protective goggles into a bar and really pull it off.

Sometimes things are just awesome.

Us at Blu Martini

Soup

So, Creighton and I bought a slow cooker. Slow cookers are awesome because you come home and BAM. Dinner. Slow cookers suck because you have to make everything the night before … and by “you” I mean “I.” 

A side effect of our new slow cooker ownership is soup. We made a chicken enchilada soup that was only sort of OK. Yesterday, I made a ham and bean soup that was better — but I have not achieved soup nirvana. 

However, for your viewing pleasure:

You got some carrots, some onions, some celery, some garlic, some olive oil …

 

 

 

Also:

ladybug

 

Engagement Photoz

Let me just say … These were probably the most ill-conceived engagement photos ever taken. I decided I did not particularly care about engagement photos, and if Creighton wanted them, he could plan them. Being the more gifted planner of the two of us, this was a mistake. Creighton’s idea of “planning engagement photos” was asking a friend of his that mentioned he had a camera and took a photography class if he would take them. Creighton wanted to go hiking because we’ve done that a few times before, and it was fun and would make pretty photos. The friend agreed, but then literally no more planning was done. The night before we’re supposed to go on this “hike,” Creighton mentions, casually, that we have to get up at 4:30 in the morning ……………………………… to go hiking ……………… to take our engagement photos.

So, in the parking lot of Whole Foods where we meet with our photographer friend, Creighton decides he doesn’t, in fact, want to do the strenuous hike he “planned,” because he thinks it’ll be too strenuous. We got up at 4:30 in the morning so we could do said hike, get ready and take photos in the early morning light. Now we are at least an hour ahead of schedule. So we drive around Greenville to find a place to eat breakfast (not much is open at 4:30 a.m.) and we settle on Hardee’s. After breakfast, we head out to a waterfall that’s not a two-hour hike away. I’m exhausted, slipping on the rocks, getting all dirty, haven’t applied any make-up, did I mention I’m exhausted? That being said, the day was fun (if not long) and we saw a plethora of waterfalls, and the pictures? Turned out excellent.

Just part of Creighton’s magic.

Bridesmaids, pt. 1

I sent all of my bridesmaids formal “Will you be my bridesmaid?” letters, assigning them responsibilities (like selecting a dress, since we’re doing mismatched bridesmaids. My only caveats were that the dresses were navy blue and approximately knee-length.). Here’s the bridal party:

• Sarah, my older sister, is the Head Bridesmaid and my official wedding planner.
• Jaimie, my best friend of nearly 10 years now (holy freaking crap), is my Maid of Honor.
• Liz, my wonderful 15-year-old sister, is Bridesmaid #2.
• Kat, my adorable 11-year-old sister (almost 12!) is Bridesmaid #3.
• Danielle, Creighton’s awesome little sister who lived with him in Auburn for a bit, is Bridesmaid #4.
• Victoria, aka Nikki, Creighton’s older sister, is Bridesmaid #5.

I thought the letters turned out pretty cute. Creighton and I bought this wax seal online, and I love it. It plays into his number nerdiness, my romantic side and our love of everything old-school (and Game of Thrones). We wanted to make our own sigil, and maybe we will one day, but those were expensive, and this had both of our personalities in one elegant design. The navy and ivory perfectly matched our wedding colors, too.

A Letter

Last year was amazing. I know I’m a bit late on the whole “My Year in Review” crap (like, maybe 20 days late), but here’s just a few things that happened for us in 2012:

• We moved in to the infamous 303 Jasmine Cove in Simpsonville, S.C. This was the first time we lived together. Living in corporate housing has its perks (read: super posh) but also its downsides (read: not a whole lot of character). Living with a Significant Other for the first time was exhilarating, scary and proved that we are awesome. Communication and compromise: These things are so important.
• I got a job with Dealer Online Marketing after three weeks of gloomy, lazy unemployment.
• We expanded our Greenville-area friend group exponentially. People we’ve loved: Justine, Gildas, Romain, Damien, Shreya, Dan, Karl, Chase, Rajat, Q, Min, Jeremy, Coralie, Francois, Nico, Ana, Thomas, Thomas, Maria, Tim L., Lukasz, Xavier, Cecile, Casey B., Martin, Chris E., Jenn, Matt, Lindsay, Andrew, Stephen, Josie, Amber, Casey G., Danielle, Will, Mandy, AJ, Laura, Kelly, Jennifer, Asia, Jessie, Nikki, Adam, Andrea, Chris S., Tim C., Tim A., Stefanie, John, Rahul, Ellen, Brian and many more. This list is in no way complete. Sure, many of them were French. Sure, many of them may now be banned from Jasmine Cove. Some of them left, some of them stayed, but all of them were awesome and made our year so excellent.
• We moved again – to downtown Greenville — and hosted a variety of parties.
• We went White Water Rafting; drove to Ohio twice; saw a friend get married in Birmingham and in Zebulon, Ga.; went to a Renaissance Fair in Todd Mission, Texas, after chilling out in Lake Charles, La.; hit up NYC, Savannah, Charlotte, Atlanta, Asheville and Myrtle Beach. (Charleston is on the list, promise.)

  

• I met Josh Ritter.
• We hiked to some amazing places and visited some truly amazing waterfalls, including Falls Creek Falls, Raven Cliff Falls, Twin Falls, Rainbow Falls and Showerbath Falls.
• We got engaged, y’all, and I bought a dress and sort of kind of maybe started planning a wedding.
• We got drunk. Once or twice.
• We read books, went rock climbing, played pool, played tennis, went swing dancing, worked on cars, rode bikes, sucked at racquetball (Emily did at least), kicked ass in foosball (Creighton did at least), played board games, played D&D, ate pizza, went to Smoke on the Water, frequented Velo Fellow, partied at On the Roxx.
• We got in shape, lost weight, despite everything listed above. We semi-adopted the primal diet after years of eating tons of rice, bread and pasta. I even ran a 5K.
• We saved a ton of money, created a kickass budget (two kickass budgets), started my Roth IRA, payed off loads of debt, survived No New November and more.
• In December, we visited family/friends in Mobile, celebrated Christmas, and I accepted a new job (and a career change).

To everyone who made 2012 so great, and to all those faces in distant corners of the U.S. or the globe or whatever — including those I didn’t get the opportunity to see much this year (my fantastic family, my future in-laws, the Auburn Crew, Jaimie, Carlos, Jill, Cliff, Johnny, Brian, Erin, Ben) — love.

From, me.

Teasers

I’m in the middle of switching jobs, hosting visitors and have just been all-around really busy. However, we have lots of really cool things coming up, including but not limited to:

• Engagement photos
• Bridesmaid stuff
• Spring cleaning
• Christmas presents/New Year recap

Stay tuned, y’all.

On saying “yes” to the dress

So I bought a wedding dress.

Wedding dress shopping goes a little like this: You walk into a store, they ask you questions you have no idea how to answer (like, how did you envision looking on your wedding day? I am seriously the only girl who never actually imagined getting married when I was 5 years old? I played with imaginary friends and saved imaginary animals. I was practically set on getting married in a loin cloth) and then they pick out some dresses for you that are all sample sizes (read: not your size) because you don’t want to spend $7,000 on a dress you’re only going to wear once (theoretically). Then they clamp you in it and everyone stands around and looks at you. Mom got weepy/emotional/choked up a lot.

OK. Let me stop for a second and explain I didn’t hate wedding dress shopping. It’s actually a LOT of fun to wear all these gorgeous gowns (especially the ones I’ll never afford/buy that are all beady and lacy and extravagant) and look at myself and have my mom tear up and feel beautiful. It is a really cool experience. I wasn’t frustrated or mad or angry that the dresses didn’t fit the first time. I wasn’t bored even though everyone seemed to think I was. For me it was a very internal experience. I think everyone wanted me to be more animated about the process, but the plain truth is that the process still terrifies me. And not only am I a total weddingphobe, I just didn’t want to spend $500 on a dress and then $500 to have it altered. One woman was insane and snapped at my sister/wedding planner.

And then we went to this one shop, The Timeless Bride in downtown Mobile. When I first walked in, I was like “no way” because everything seemed really “pretty” in the bad sense of the word and sort of outdated. But the woman was amazing. She had, seriously, 1,000+ dresses in stock for all shapes and sizes, and they were AFFORDABLE. It was crazy. The other cool side of the coin is that they were vintage. She had wedding dresses dating from 1930 to 2010. The one I picked out was an Alfred Angelo ivory dress from 2010 with a custom-built navy sash. It has a gorgeous lace-up corset that makes the back look really cool. It doesn’t cover my scar, but I’m not ashamed of the scar: It’s part of me. It was the right fit (read: it fit me like a freaking glove and made me feel super sexy) and needed practically no alterations. Plus it was only $500. I think I paid $750 for the whole thing: dress, sewn-in boob cups, headpiece, custom-built sash with some sparkly accents and feeling like a freaking sexy bride. $750 for a dress AND headpiece to match? With NO alterations? You really can’t beat that. The 2012 Collection bridal stores wanted $500 minimum for a dress that I didn’t even really like that much, plus another $300 or so for alterations. The sash would have been extra, and headpieces can run $100-$300. I think the MSRP for the dress I bought was close to $700 alone two years ago.

It really is possible to do a wedding on a tighter budget, but you have to be flexible, patient and open to new experiences. I was convinced I wasn’t going to like The Timeless Bride when we walked in, and I was hungry, and we almost left because Mom was getting impatient (we had to wait a bit because we showed up early). But it was so worth it, and now my wedding dress will be A) something I’m excited about wearing, B) something reasonable, practical and in my budget and C) “me.”

It was the right dress and the right decision, and I never thought I’d say “yes” to the dress. Especially not like that, on that night. I had no intentions of leaving with a dress purchased. I had more shopping to do.

But when you know, you know.

If Christmas isn’t found in your heart, you won’t find it under the tree.

You guys, it’s Christmas. Things I wish I had for you:

• Photos of a Christmas tree that we decorated all beautifully in our tiny apartment. Saw one the other day with mini bottles of alkeehol as ornaments. But, alas, we don’t have a tree.
• Beautifully decorated cookies and chocolate-covered pretzel sticks and fancy dinner parties with eggnog.
• Photos of me in a dark green sweater dress with red leggings and nude heels looking glamorous.

Ok, but I live in the real world, and Christmas Season (aka the month of December) is this kind of crazy time where you eat way too much and everyone’s super busy. This week I have two Christmas-y parties in the same day. And dishes to wash, laundry to do, D&D to play, the gym to visit, work, books to read. This is the real world, and not the world you think Adulthood will be when you get there. (On an unrelated note, if I remember, I will take pictures at the fancy dinner parties we attend this weekend and the baked goods we assemble. The only pic really missing will be the green sweater dress and the Christmas tree, and you can make the former happening by sending me this. And this. And this.)

A list of my Christmas favorites:

• Giving people presents I believe in
• Giving people poorly handmade presents
• Seeing my family
• Fudge
• Being in Mobile for the first time in 2012 — a record
• The song “Greensleeves” / “What Child is This”
• Cold-night snuggles with C-baby
• Eggnog
• Fuzzy socks
• The inevitable PJ set SOMEONE is going to buy me

Creighton is now 24, but more importantly …

No New November has come and gone, and here’s what we have to show for it:

• Bike rack — which we had been meaning to get and planning to drop upwards of $600 on — and other various sporting gear
• New (cute) clothes from Salvation Army
• A jacket from Kohl’s on Black Friday, which, while technically a cheating purchase because it was new, was pretty cheap and filled a gaping void in Creighton’s wardrobe
• More than $3,308 saved

Creighton’s sexy rule-breaking jacket

From No New November, we learned a couple things: First, that our initial savings goal of $2,500 a month is perhaps unrealistic or more difficult to achieve than we had previously hoped. (Keep in mind that one of us (Emily) actually received an extra paycheck in November.) We also learned the power of buying used and that you can get quality goods that way. And that there’s a lot of shit we just don’t really need. We also learned that we spend a lot on haircuts — something like $70 a month.

… but it’s worth it.

One of the things we’ve noticed is eating Paleo/Primal is a lot cheaper than we anticipated. It also makes grocery trips faster because you just go through the outer loop, hitting up the deli, produce, meat section and dairy. That being said, eating Paleo during the holiday season is challenging, especially when you’re away from home and there are so many delicious things to eat (it’s Thanksgiving), and we really haven’t stuck to that. Even though we lapsed quite a bit over the holidays, we’re getting back in the swing of it. Another challenge of eating Paleo is everything has to be planned in advance or you’ll be running out of the house at 7:47 with nothing but a couple pieces fruits in the morning. Creighton made some avocado ham/turkey roll-ups tonight.

I love the vibrant green of this avocado.

Black Forest ham slices

A Paleo portable lunch: Ham and turkey avocado roll-ups

What good is Hump Day without any meat?